Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize