five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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