Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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