Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
