i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
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