I want to stick my p in your. b.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
