At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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