"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i love accidental penises.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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