also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
