Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
