Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
