I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
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He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
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Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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