fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
