I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
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