I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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