So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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