if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
