fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
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There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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