You really coming over, don't trick.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
