i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We are all done wearing pants today
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
