I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
