he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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