I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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