I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize