I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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