So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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