I need to stop coming to work sober
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
