Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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