im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
