I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
