Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Randomize
