Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
