u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
