did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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