Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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