if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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