i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
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