her vagine was all disorganized.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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