that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
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I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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