i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
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This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
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Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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