it was like a zeppelin in a condom
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize