I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
