I feel like abortions should bother me more
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I am naked and annoyed.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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