I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
