she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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