They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
