She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
