already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
