Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
