I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
