tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
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Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
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Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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