It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
