one two three fourrrrnication!
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
