I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
