You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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