I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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