I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
