So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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