Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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