its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
