Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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