You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
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If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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