I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
