sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
