how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
