Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
